I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
