I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
