we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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