The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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