y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
