i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
