perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
