i think my tv is drunk
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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