I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
