So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
