I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
