I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
