My girlfriend figured out who you are.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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