talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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