just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize