New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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