OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
