bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
