I can text with my tongue
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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