I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
