Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
