if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
