Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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