So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize
