there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
