Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
