I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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