I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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