Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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