I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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