why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
