Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
