a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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