You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
