I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
