Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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