he puts the penis in happiness.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
