My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i already hear my dad disowning me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
