Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
