I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
