I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
