the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize