I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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