This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
