I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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