I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
