I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
