Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
