Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
