Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
