Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
