Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
