What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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