First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
we're so committed to being not committed
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
