I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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