Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
