Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
