I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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