Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize