If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
