Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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