I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
