btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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