i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Even my vagina gasped.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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