this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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