U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
