Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
