p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
