I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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