so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
