The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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