oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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