Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
