She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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