i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
