she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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