There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
