I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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