remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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