If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
