This is not my ceiling
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I could fuck to npr.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
