..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
