I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
