Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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