Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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