After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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