I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize