life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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