"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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