He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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