I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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