Already got asked if we're dating
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
