he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
