Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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