Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
