True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
