Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have feelings that need drinking.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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