Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
