i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
the liver wants what the liver wants
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
