Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
