Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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